to say I'm infatuated is a bit wrong. more like in love, or falling in love. slowly and painfully and it's just carving a hole in my heart, because like my fairytales usually end - this one is gonna find itself in hell aswell. pathetic, now that i think about my "love-life" in general. the longest lasting relationship was with a guy twice my age and those were the worst days and nights, i gotta tell you. but this, this has so much potential. well it had, until the devil appeared and took the hope away. sometimes i still feel like there's some left, but then words like baby, gift and marriage pop up and it's all crushed again.
kinda sad to think that all those overly romantic fan fiction stories i read about people being forced to live together and about arranged marriages end with them falling desperately in love and living happily ever after. and then i turn around and see how utterly wrong it all is in real life.
so anyway, enough of my sad prattling. it started snowing tonight, very beautiful. i went for a jog and children were playing in the snow at 2230. people are all complaining how it's so freezing and blah blah. come to estonia and then complain. "oh sorry kids, no school today cause we have a cm of snow and it's just too dangerous to come and attend classes" wussies.
just discovered i have 5 followers. surprising really, didn't even think i had 5 friends left. ha. what a way to fuck up my life! well maybe not fuck up but setting my priorities straight sure lessened the numbers a bit.
time to list the things i miss, again. i seem to be doing that a lot in the last posts. ok. miss the dog, though i got her a really expensive christmas present. for a dog. i'm a sap. miss The Car, my golden beauty. miss The Guy, my Silver love. miss going to the woods in the middle of winter and sitting by a fire while the guys cut down trees. miss the roadtrips to the sea and let's not forget the magnificent Bog. miss late night talks with the Dentist. miss the family, the house, the pork dinner and Rimi's oven potatoes. don't really know why, but they're the best. miss walking to elva from peedu and all the fun we had every time.
it's not so much that i miss the physical things, it's more that i don't really have anybody to talk to. like that, i mean. you know what i mean. and funny how even now i'm still dreaming about going further north to places much more isolated. i mean i'm living in a city with 1 million people and i don't have anyone to talk to. talk about pathetic...
2 comments:
Well, at least you'll come to Estonia soon and will have a chance to feel the things you miss right now. You're gonna have two weeks full of feelings. Collect them, memorize them, and then you'll be so full of them that they will last until the next time you return here.
But still. There are things to remember. From the past. But there's always something new happening in your life to remember later. So, your life there is definetely something you'll remember later. If it was not as happy as you wanted it to be, then you'll be happier later, when it's over. And still, recalling the life you are having now brings always back memories that are warm.
Find at least one positive side in everything, notice the beauty of the world. Smile, when the pathetic britons are complaining about the snow, because they usuall don't have snow. Smile, because this snow is rare for them, smile because you have a piece of Estonia in Britain with you.
And go out somewhere and make a campfire. (there have to be places to do it, although they might be hard to find)
Mina tunnen puudust õhtuti mäkki sõitmisest Nõost ja siis meeletult Flight of the Conchordsi kuulamisest + nuff + mäki muffin ja mingite tobedate laulusõnade peast kaasaüürgamine.
Frodo, don't wear the ring!!
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